Do you still have your period?
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
