nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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