is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
