thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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