Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
