I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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