i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
