i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
