I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
