Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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