she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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