Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
