like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
