from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just took my morning after pill in the library
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
