So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
