i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
