they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
