Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize