i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
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