I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
