tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
