We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
