I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
