we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
