i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
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