someone threw a dead crab at me
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
