so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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