I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
