I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
