I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
