Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
