No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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