The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
