Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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