yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize