he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
