defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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