so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
