god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
