If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
