I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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