Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
