I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
