nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
she woke up with a sticky ear
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
