omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
