So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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