dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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