how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
