maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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