We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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